24 January 2015

not today. not ever

I'm aware that my social  life would be better in Oregon if I just assimilated into the Oregon way of life but that would mean forgetting that part of me which makes me me (my blackness-my love for black culture, black music, black poetry, black people- everything that is deficient here), and liking everything that white people here enjoy. Like country or alternative or hickbilly rock or the next up and coming alternative rapper that everyone else likes. Like old Friends or Seinfield episodes. Like cross country skiing. Like mountain climbing and hiking and playing frisbee. Like drinking microbrewed beer and discussing the Oregon Ducks loss to Ohio State or discussing some rock legend that might be coming to town. Or some flat-assed thin-lipped white chick that just walked by that they go on and on about how fucking hot she is and that I should go after her because she looked at me.  Everyone looks at me. Not because I'm that attractive ( which I am), but because I am the only non-white person in a room of hundreds of white people every fucking time.

Where are the black people (those who didn't assimilate-those who know they are black)?  I wish I knew.

Can I be me with someone else here?

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