30 October 2014

Q & A about them

Q- You and (insert name here of most Portlanders) used to be really close. You both used to hang out a lot. What happened?
A- I stopped calling or texting, to see if they would call or text. I never heard from them again.
Q-Do you still consider them friends?

 A- Well, when I was initiating the communication 100% of the time, I considered them to have been friends. 

Q- And now?

A-That depends on your definition of the word friend. They fit the definition of some one with whom I am familiar and that's different from friendship.  I have friends. Those that I've never heard from since I stopped calling or texting-  those are not my friends.

23 October 2014

What does it feel like?

refresh my memory;

someone.   let me
through           u

remind me what it feels like to get out of bed

to leave the house with a smile on my face--

almost anyone

22 October 2014


Today I let someone's tendency to be overdramatic take root in me, effecting my day. This won't happen tomorrow.  The burden she unloads onto me regularly, I'm giving it right back to her, brick to brick. I'm not accepting it anymore.
I was thinking this evening, while watching my show The Young & the Restless. There are some storylines, some people on the show that piss me off. But the writers of the show write to make us feel a certain way. The difference between someone I know and an actor being dramatic  is that the latter is doing it to get paid and the former one  actually believes their drama is real.


I wonder

I dreamed that Iyanla Vanzant and I wrote a book called Life's Mysteries Solved.
 Iyanla said the book was 237 pages. I opened the book and on the first page it said " I was looking for answers."
But all the other pages were completely blank sheets of paper. Except on the last page; it read "Lean not to thy own understanding".
I'm going to wonder about this all day.
Good morning.

19 October 2014


We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.

        -Pema Chödrön

16 October 2014

On hope being essential

Life  is going to throw you things you can never prepare for.  Eventually you have to accept that you can’t control everything. And then you  just put the pieces back together any way you can.

--Jack Abbott The Young The Restless

14 October 2014

George Clinton & Vanessa Williams

-George Clinton

George Clinton / Any % of U

Good morning

....the clouds were thick and heavy this morning but i left the house in a good mood. it was a decision i made at the exact moment when i felt my mood about the end of sunny weather kicking in. i decided that today might be the day i meet the woman who has been wondering what it would be like to meet a guy like me.

13 October 2014

Un jour

      Un jour, je serai aussi heureux que je prétends être .

09 October 2014


remember these?

     The 60's. We lived in Brooklyn. An apartment on 195 Hoyt Street,  then a house near Queens. 1331 Dumont Ave  Under the watchful eye of my over-protective mom,  we skated up and down the street.  We had a very large, very long basement where we skated on rainy days or when my mom had to work.
  Those were the days.

08 October 2014

Good morning

There comes a day when you get tired of the same old thing.

I think today is the beginning, for me.
For the first time in 7 years, as the train was nearing  my stop, a feeling of dread enveloped me, like a cloud, and for the first time, I didn't want to go to work. If I could have, I would have called in sick at that moment, then got off the train at my stop,and took the train in the opposite direction to head home.

I'm going to believe it's the change in the weather from summer heat to the chilly autumn that's affecting my mood and not the actual job itself. Maybe I'll feel better once I get my americano with an extra shot of espresso in a few minutes.

Good morning. Hope you have a good day.

07 October 2014

-A poem by Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it’s age old pain,
It’s ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.

By Rabindranath Tagore

  This was recited on a tv show yesterday.
 I fell in love with it;
the most beautiful poem I have ever heard. I had to find it online to share it, so save it, to use it.
 When (not if ) I get married,
 I will recite this to my bride as part of the wedding ceremony

01 October 2014

97 times

In looking at the labels of my blog postings over the  past 4 years, I see that what I've written about mostly  was love. With this posting, love will have been the subject 98 times, which makes sense. Love has been illusive to me personally since I moved here, but I'm all about it. I live vicariously through other people. The poems I have written within the past 5 years have been written based on past experiences-what it felt like to be loved and to be in love.  Or future experiences-what I want it to feel like. Out of frustration I once wrote a poem in which some of the lines went like this- I will not again write about the story of love until I am the main character. I've never posted it because I really am all about it and I remain hopeful. In the 10 days following my move from Milwaukee Wisconsin, 4 friends who don't even know each other-a coworker, a woman at church, a friend in Silver Spring Maryland, another friend in Houston, all said the same thing: "Alieux, God said your wife is waiting for you in Portland."  If one had said that I would guess they were saying it to make me feel better about my leaving my safety net of family and friends, but 4 different people said that, almost verbatim. I'm inclined to believe them though it begs the question, where is she?