31 July 2014

in the past 48 hours

  • i baked and shipped a hundred cupcakes
  • i learned a valuable life lesson
  • i received bakeware as a gift
  • i noticed there were 26 more downloads of my short stories on Amazon Kindle
  • i baked 3 cakes
  • i wrote another story
  • i decided to stop taking back my problems after giving them to God

30 July 2014


I know God sees the big picture while we just see life in snippets, but sometimes those snippets are mighty heavy.

I need a hug, for someone (other than myself)  to tell me it will be okay.


I was smiling at you
the way I do
when I wake up before you-
                        I felt you;
your silky skin,
wrapped around-
Against mine.
holding on to me
Your eyes closed
& I wonder-
are you dreaming of me?
am I the main character in your dreams,
And am I loving on you
The way I do
When you’re not sleeping?
To be sure,
In your ear,
I whisper my name

and the smile grows wider.
and I have  my answer



29 July 2014

See, what had happened was...

I couldn't fall back asleep after a neighbor's car alarm went off, and so I baked a dozen Key Lime Cupcakes with White Chocolate Frosting,

and while they were baking, and then during the time I was waiting for them to cool off so I could frost them, I edited my short story The Elliptical.

Then I was able to sleep. 

28 July 2014

Psalm 121 :1-2 KJV

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121 :1-2  KJV

My Saturday

On saturday, at Blue Lake Regional Park in Fairview Oregon, I attended an annual  barbecue party the local Kenyans have here. It's a really big deal where all the Kenyans, other Africans and friends of other races in Portland and the State of Washington get together to fellowship and eat and play summer games. I'm glad to be invited every year. It's one of a few times each year when I don't feel like a fish on dry land.

Every year I am invited by my two closest Kenyans friends and  at least 10 additional friends I had met from past years who called me individually, insisting on transporting me if I don't have a ride. It's a great feeling to not wonder if I am liked, if my presence is appreciated. I had a great time.

There were about 150 people in attendance this year.The elder male there prayed over the food before we ate. I loved that they were Christian. There were no thugs, no pants sagging, no cussing, no drugs, no cigarettes, no ratchedness of any kind, that I saw or heard. the kids were well mannered.  It was lots of laughter, and lots of food. Every one I met were Engineers, Nurses, Accountants or in some Graduate program, etc., everyone I met had something going for themselves, old and young. The young kids called me sir. I liked it. I was very impressed.
I was surprised to see a neighbor and his wife and kids show up. He's from Malawi. He and I have a mutual friend there. So I have a new friend. I got to hear great converations about the similaries in the Kenyan food versus Malawian good, stories about their journeys from Africa to Oregon, and the reactions of people in their work environment. I was able to draw on our similarities. I thought it was amazing that a friend from Kenya actually attended the same university I attended; Lincoln Memorial University- a small  tennessee college near cumberland gap. This world is getting smaller and smaller.There were a few very attractive women there that I chatted with there. I didn't make a love connection, but I still had a good time. They'll be friends. I need friends. I'm looking forward to going to the coast next weekend with two of my friends from Kenya. We go there annually for some volleyball tournament.
What touched me the most was the feeling of belonging.

We had to introduce ourselves and state the country or Kenyan tribe of whom we were a part, and I  gave my name and stated I don't know what country my people were from, and a few said loudly that my people were obviously originally from Africa so I'm their brother.

That made me feel good. I belonged.


The outside


 you don't know what it feels to be deprived if you've never been deprived. so don't pretend to care when you can't even begin to relate to it. and stop getting upset when ( insert name here) expresses their frustration with constantly feeling like an outsider.

 I'm done.


If you're not careful

Doubt is fire
and fire is gonna burn you up
and fill you full of ash-


26 July 2014

Back then

when I had no bills to pay. when  I worked in student services and wrote passes to get my friends out of class on fridays, and we'd drive 75 miles away, to   knoxville  and party the entire weekend and drive back to campus Sunday night. years after college i couldn't hear this song because it brought back too many wonderful memories.  The radio station in Harrogate Tennessee played this song. alot.  Along with Sweet Home Alabama, When Doves Cry, the Morning Train, and Rock With You. It was only about 10 years after I graduated from college that I was able to listen to (and sing) this song again:

25 July 2014

The Weight of What Remains

Walk and pick things up as you go. Nothing too heavy, nothing too light. Weigh each item against your soul and if it measures up, take it with you. If it makes you weary or it loses its significance, leave it behind for someone else to find. Keep only that which you need.
                                           --author unknown

Listening to...



All the above.

Oprah's Next Chapter with Bishop T.D. Jakes

Listening to...

That's why

I’m carving my own spot in this universe.  The  process is taking a little longer than I expect, but one day (you and )  I will see the intracacy of the finished product and you'll ( and I will ) understand why it took so long.

Works every time , lol


what happens to a dream deferred?

22 July 2014

Mongo Santamaria - Afro Blue

Black Sugar - Pussycat AFRO/JAZZ FUSION1970

/the lack of

This reminds me of racine and knoxville and memphis and lexington and louisville and cincinnati and indianapolis and minneapolis and edina and wheaton and kenosha and los angeles and marion and madison and gaithersburg and germantown and silver spring and rockville and falls church and richmond and the district of columbia and bethesda and rockville and baton rouge and trenton and newark and toronto and hartford and  brooklyn and queens and manhattan and chicago and waukesha and waukegan and long island and memphis and milwaukee and even fontenay sus bois and paris and every place but


not just the music, not just dwele or jill scott but the interaction between the three.

So much dopeness

Beyoncé performs "The Beautiful Ones & Sex On Fire" live at Glastonbury

21 July 2014

-Dudley Perkins

10 or more random things about me

  1. During my youth my birthday was always celebrated three days after what I thought my birthday was and my mother isn't sure of the date; now I celebrate both days.
  2. I play Igor Stravinsky's Rites of Spring in its entirety once a day.
  3. I feel more liberated with my writing when either Igor Stravinsky, John Coltrane, Miles Davis or      Prince circa Around The World In A Day is playing in the background.
  4. I'm not Muslim, but I pray every morning kneeling on a prayer mat a Muslim friend sent me from Iran.
  5. The coffee I have at home, I get regularly from a friend in Turkey.
  6. I bought 10 4-packs of the soap and shampoo I used when I was in Paris, and I ran out last year. I have a friend who regularly mails me the soap because the smell reminds me of Paris.
  7. I still alternate between liking Halle Berry and Salli Richardson-Whitfield more.
  8. Whether I talk too much or not has alot to do with whether I feel I will be critiqued  harshly or not.
  9. I'm intentionally nicer to people who don't like me ( my philosophy is 'how can you be mean to someone who treats you nice?').
  10. I used to want to visit Australia but after having lived in Oregon I have no desire to go there.
  11. I would rather be at work than at home unless I'm sleepy.
  12. I have sleep paralysis at least once a week and when the paralysis is over I'm afraid to go back to sleep.
  13. Though I'm a Christian, there's a part of me that believes I was here before and that my life was the exact opposite, and that this life is my punishment. That is why I try to be as nice as I can to everyone so that my next life will be my reward.
  14. Between love and money, I would chose love everytime.
  15. Only God knows my biggest fear. I won't even say it out loud, but I pray about it every day.


When you look in my eyes
What do you see?
Am I still the same person
That I used to be?


through this thing called life

Hello people,

I'm just passing through.

I hope life is treating you well.

I hope I'm treating you well. If I'm not, please let me know, directly. It's in my nature to be kind. I want to be thought of as a nice, cool, thoughtful person.  I know I can't please everyone, but I'd like to try. I'd also like you to see and know that I'm trying. If I know your comments are coming from a place of love I won't take offense to it; I won't get defensive about it. I promise.
A friend told me once about a friendship with someone else who wouldn't let him know why he was upset with him about things. He would ask him things and the friend would give one-word answers. Months and months would go by and the issues were never addressed and the friend snapped at him. He had let the issue- whatever it was, fester inside of him. He couldn't even remember why he was upset with him.
When that friend and I considered being housemates we both promised that we would address any issues when they became issues. That way we would nip it in the bud. We would talk it out. I learned empathy. He would express his point of view and I would express mine.  We didn't let anything fester, and the friendship grew stronger. Maybe it helped that he was getting a Masters in Psychology, but it worked.

He ended up being the best housemate I ever had.

So, to repeat, I'm just passing through. I hope I make you comfortable, and that I make you smile and laugh and think good thoughts on your journey through this thing called life.    I hope I don't say or do anything that would make you dread my presence. If I do, please tell me, directly so I can correct it.    Okay?



20 July 2014

Love is hard work

...love isn't just all beauty. 

        there is an ugliness to it too,
                 that you have to get through 
                                       in order to stay together.

-alieux casey-george

The Iceberg

"when you are up, you're up. when you are down, you're down. When you are only half way up you are neither up nor down."



Lets talk about it. Where it comes from, and where it goes.
& why people dispose of it like a dead battery, realizing it was once within their grasp

                     /and they let it fall through their hands
\ like sand.
lets talk about what keeps us up at night.
what some have killed for.
what some have driven across country for.
what once had helped launched a thousand ships
letsrecognize it for what it is.    re-
alizing that it can show up any day,
at any
talk about how to make accomodations for it
once it shows up on our doorstep.

Lets talk about

19 July 2014

Note to self

                           He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

~Raymond Hull



The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. 

-Alice Walker

18 July 2014

-Amel Larrieux

I am lucky to be me.

Friday Flashback

quote on friendship

بهتر است كه در غل و زنجير با دوستان, بيش از آنكه در باغ با بيگانگان

"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers."
                                    --Persian Proverb

17 July 2014

A Persian Proverb

 "از تو حرکت، از خدا برکت."

Literal Translation: From you, action, from God, benediction.

Connotation: You have to work towards something first instead of expecting luck.

English Equivalent: God helps those who help themselves.

this is a repost

Burn: Singe

what are my words echoing into? are they even stretching beyond and thru time? what myths am i buying into?
why do i compare
with the lie
when im not
what voice wins more battles?
to what end do i have this?
Burn through. Become the light. You are not yet done.

                  --excerpt from Once, and This Time With Passion, by alexgeorge  

This is a repost

The weight of what remains

Szemét emberek

                                             some people quickly throw away what others pray for.

 i keep things longer than i need them, only throwing them away when i'm thoroughly convinced they're worthless. and obsolete. and taking up much-needed space.


Soul Trane, RIP

John William Coltrane, also known as "Trane" (September 23, 1926 – July 17, 1967),was an American  jazz saxophonist and composer. Working in the bebop and hard bop idioms early in his career, Coltrane helped pioneer the use of modes in jazz and was later at the forefront of  free jazz.
He organized at least fifty recording sessions as a leader during his career, and appeared as a sideman on many other albums, notably with trumpeter  Miles Davis and pianist Thelonious Monk.

As his career progressed, Coltrane and his music took on an increasingly spiritual dimension. His second wife was pianist Alice Coltrane  and their son Ravi Coltrane is also a saxophonist. Coltrane influenced innumerable musicians, and remains one of the most significant saxophonists in music history. He received many posthumous awards and recognitions, including canonization
by the  African Orthodox Church  as Saint John William Coltrane and a special Pulitzer Prize in 2007.
-courtesy, the internet

I can't sleep

 Mmmm   Hazelnut buttercreme between each layer ( my homemade hazelnut buttercreme)
Hazelnut cake with a vanilla buttercreme frosting

16 July 2014


(between me, whoever's reading this, and God,  once  a day I'm on the verge of tears, but once I realize this, I stop myself  before one tear is shed, and I just push on carry on to get through the day.  So, when my sister told me recently that my nephew broke down and cried and couldn't even explain why he was crying, I understood)

Stop Trying

Being the nicest, coolest, most thoughtful, the most giving person you can be means nothing to those who are determined to not like you for no reason. So, stop trying.

--Alieux Casey-George

-Chrisette Michelle

I had a dream.

last night I dreamed that salli richardson-whitfield told me that happiness was staring me in my face but my eyes were closed.

i wonder what she meant.

so i went throughout my day with my eyes open. to everyone and everything so that I don't miss it.

i didn't see (or didn't think i saw)   what i was supposed to see.

i wish she told me where to go.

maybe tomorrow.

Good night.


nothing is sometimes sufficient

i would rather be a whisper that people want to hear than a loud person that everyone wishes never spoke.

little dragons- machine dreams

just a thought.

One of the most important things I've learned is that I don't have to be right all the time. I would rather have peace. there are people who will argue and argue their point. If it's not important for me to be right and I know that my being wrong will bring peace, then I have no problem being wrong.

Little Dragon - Killing Me


There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts, it is a sword that kills. Neither naked asceticism, matted hair, dirt, fasting, sleeping on the ground, dust and mud, nor prolonged sitting on one's heels can purify a man who is not free of doubts.

-Siddartha Gautama

15 July 2014

14 July 2014

- Jennifer Hudson, ft R Kelly It's Your World

Question of the day

                                My Grandfather first came to mind when I saw this posted on a friend's Facebook page.
                                He and my mom were close; from him I would find out everything about how I came to be his grandson. There are questions my mother doesn't want to answer. Knowing what I know now, I know the questions I would like to ask him directly.
                                 During that hour I want to hear him telling me about how he came to love cooking, what were his favorite things to make, and to reminisce about how he'd take me along with him to meat markets, fish markets, and grocery stores to buy what was necessary for our holiday meals and how I'd help him cook everything.  My sister and I observed my mother respecting him, even when he was wrong, my mother always respected him. As a kid, I remember him not even allowing my mother to yell at my sister and myself in his presence, even when we were wrong. My mom and I talk about that now, from time to time, and I'd tease her by saying 'yes daddy',  when he'd stop her from yelling at us. He loved me and sister. I learned all about respecting my elders by watching my mother respect him. He raised her to respect people. After that, just hearing his voice, hearing him talk about life, love, self respect, living with the decisions you've made and serving others, would be enough.

May he rest in peace, until we meet again.