03 May 2013


I was showing my mom pictures of my trip to Paris, where I had gone by myself for my birthday last year.   I was showing her pictures of the happiest time in my life, and she looked sad. I asked her what was wrong.

"Vous êtes très solitaire," she said.

She said it as if it was something new, something she had just realized about me. That means she hadn't been listening to anything I've been telling her about my life here in Oregon, and I told her she was right:

 "Oui. Je suis très solitaire."
(yes, I am very lonely)

There's a big difference between being lonely and being alone.

She said she thought I " wanted to be alone after that relationship with that Persian girl and the 2 or 3 short-term relationships after her.  I remember when you  were a little boy. You were always by your self. You  didn't have any friends until High School. I always thought you liked being alone."

I couldn't believe I had to remind her of how rude kids can be to those who were not like them.

I repeated  "Je suis très solitaire."

I don't know how she got that I was lonely, in my pictures. Those were the happiest 12 days of my life. Of course I wished I had someone to share it with- maybe that was what my eyes were telling her. Or perhaps she thought I would have to have been really really lonely to go on vacation to the most romantic city in the world, on the other side of the plan. She's right. Je suis très solitaire.


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