30 April 2013

The answer, looking for a question

Two weeks ago I went to Wisconsin to attend my Goddaughter's first communion. I'm not Catholic so I didn't know what to expect.  It was a really  formal affair, with about sixteen  8-yr old girls in white gowns with veils, paired up with  boys in suits.  It was  like a multiple mini-wedding. Anyway, while in Wisconsin I visited my mother. She had asked if I had been doing any baking lately, and I decided to show her my Pnterest site (click  here ). 
The first thing she noticed? Not any of my baked goods, or my profile pic, or even the title of the page. She noticed the hyphenated last name Casey-George. I have been known by the last name of Casey all my life and I found out 5 yrs ago what my original last name was.  My mother asked why I was using George, and I told her:
"Well it's my birth last name so I decided to use it."  I expected an angry reaction, and the need for her to change the subject immediately, as in so many of our previous "conversations" about my adoption, but this time she volunteered some information that she should have told me years ago. She said it so nonchalantly, as if to say, don't forget to take out the trash:
"You know Alieux isn't your real first name. I named you that. Your real first name is Rodrigo."
I said,  "That's a Spanish and Portuguese name, used commonly by Brazilians."    I was familiar with the name because I have 5 friends in Brazil named Rodrigo,  and I thought it would be a good name for my future son.
I was speechless.  I thought of asking her if she thought that I may have needed to know this sooner to help with my investigation, but when my mother gets defensive she gets furious and it's impossible to calm her down, so I didn't ask anything else. As she asked about the cakes, I looked at my arms, my hands, my knees. I'm black. Even three of my Brazilian friends named Rodrigo are darker than me. I'm already rumoured to be Jamaican. Can I be South American?Do I have African blood blowing through me by way of Brazil?

With more answers there seem to be more questions.  I'm even more intrigued.

25 April 2013

Listening to...

This was playing on Pandora. I had to find it on youtube to listen to again. And again. And again.

24 April 2013

Strong, this

You don't always know

                                                                    Sometimes they come with the face of  love. 

                                          You don't always know.

23 April 2013

Note To Self


Just a thought

It amazes me how America runs and energizes itself off of negative events. Indirectly it spreads fear like a virus in the publics eye, before you know it, you're glued into different stories and events that you have no control over. What if news channels took the same amount of energy to spread good news and good events, spreading love throughout. Stopping broadcasts and interrupting shows.... That actually would be unheard of.

The Day After The Capture

When I was in the line Saturday at the airport in Minnesota  (returning to Oregon) having to have my bags  checked so I can get to my gate, there was a Middle Eastern-looking gentleman ahead of me with a full beard, waiting for the containers they give us to store our carry-ons  that go through the ex-ray.  The TSA guy asked him tons of questions.  He asked him where he was going, what he did for a living, and asked how terrible the tragedy was in  Boston. My guess was  he did that to gauge his opinion of it. The Middle Eastern-looking gentleman was a Sunday School teacher, a pastor of an Episcopalian church in Minnesota, and was headed to Berkeley, to speak to an Episcopalian class there.  The TSA  guy tried to guess the gentleman’s ethnicity by guessing 2 or  3 Arab countries when the guy said Sicily,  that he was 100% Sicilian and raised Catholic but converted to Episcopalian to please his wife.  Every bit of prejudgment the TSA guy had was disintegrated.   I was personally bothered by how he was treated.   The gentleman didn't seem to mind. He smiled a lot and answered  every question. It wasn’t an interrogation it seemed, because we were standing in line. The TSA guy just walked up to him and started asking questions. And when the TSA guy saw me he just said good afternoon and walked further down the line.  Even after he stood in that chamber they have us to stand in with our arms raised above our heads-they pulled him over to the side to waive a wand over his body, front and back and between his legs and underneath his arms. It seemed they were determined to find something on the man, but he remained cool and calm and very obedient. Then eyen re-scanned his items. They found nothing. They had to let the Sicilian gentleman with olive skin and a thick beard, who was not a Muslim, but a Christian, pass.
 Unfortunately, this is the times in which we live.  We can’t be too careful, though I know how it feels to be prejudged based on how I look. I remember when it was just black folks that white people felt they had to look out for. 

Unfortunately for  CNN's John King as well ,  it's white folks as well.  His characterization of the suspect(s) as  "dark-skinned"...inflammatory, appealingto prejudice, as it turned out, was incorrect.

I have yet to hear an apology from him.

21 April 2013

April 12-19

                     so, i leave oregon for a week and all hell breaks loose throughout the u.s.

                     know that God is in control.

                                 that is all. 

20 April 2013

Proverbs 18:22

 Someone recently told me to give up on love, and that I was destined to be alone the rest of my life. That was the meanest thing I have ever heard. It bothered me for a couple days.  It really had me wondering if she knew what she was talking about. Then I realized that she was the last person who could give me any advice on love and relationships. Her first husband was a trifling-ass drunk, diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver (which didn't stop him from drinking like he was going to die tomorrow) and her second husband was an ex-con who she divorced after another stint in prison (he stole thousands of coins from newspaper vending machines to support a drug habit-the courts put a lien on her home and put him in prison since he couldn't afford to pay them) and then  she remarried him when he was released from prison and then divorced when he went to prison again for violating his parole (where he is currently, for breaking into a check cashing place with the assistance of a prostitute- he owed her money for 'services rendered'- her pimp demanded she be paid or they would tell his wife he was cheating on her).
God doesn't mean for me to be alone. I have decided to prove her wrong.

16 April 2013

Seek and ye shall find?

                                                 I have the key in my hand. All I have to find is the lock.

13 April 2013

What it's all about

    Our lives are spent sailing in the mist, hoping for a burst of sunlight that can make sense of who we are.

― David Gemmell

12 April 2013

Whatever it is

                               I hope you need what you find.

09 April 2013

See, what had happened was...

i thought she was capable of being loved, and so i fell for her (not because she was capable, but because it occurred and i couldn't find a reason not to love her), but it was too early to let her know, so i behaved as one does when they're in love, and it was her birthday, and she loves nutella and her daughter thought it would be nice to bake a cake for her so i had her  help me make my famous hazelnut fudge marble cake with the nutella, and that was all i got because it was too early for a serious present, and she told me that after the birth of her daughter that day was the happiest because no one ever baked her a cake before not even her mother and she had tears in her eyes and all her sisters were there for the surprise party and they all loved it and begged me to bake their own cake and she dumped me because it was obvious that i was a good man and would be a good father and that i deserved to be with someone who could love me (i've heard this a million and two times) and she was only capable of loving the father of her daughter who is in prison in idaho , servicing a life sentence for kidnap, rape, torture, and murder- and now is up for parole, but i got 5  cake orders that were already paid for, for fifty dollars a piece. in cash. but i'd rather have love and the whole nine yards. 

one day i'll get it right. only God knows why this is happening.

06 April 2013


be nice and encouraging at every opportunity. you never know when your mean, discouraging words can be enough to push someone over the edge. 

05 April 2013

-Made for love

Halle Berry is pregnant

Last year, Halle Berry said that her daughter Nahla had been hoping for a younger sibling, and the 4-year-old is finally getting her wish:  ABC has confirmed that the actress, 46, is pregnant.
“[Nahla] says, ‘God, please bring me a bunk bed and a baby sister,’” she said last fall. “I say, ‘I can do one of those things, I know for sure. The other one, we’ve got to keep praying on.’”
Berry and her fiancé Olivier Martinez, 47, are expecting a baby boy, TMZ reported, though her rep would not confirm that detail. The couple was engaged in January, 2012.
“I have an amazing daughter that I’m wildly proud of who’s the love of my life,” Berry said in October
"In my life, I think about what images I’m modeling for my daughter; decisions I’m making and how that will affect her in her life.”
Surely, that will continue with baby number two, as well.
--courtesy, ABC.com

She's pregnant, and it's not mine. 

No comment. 

Friday Flashback

04 April 2013

In case of emergency

I don’t just know the words that make you smile and feel warm inside like your favorite pair of slippers. I also know words that can slice through your heart like a razor, but I choose to use those words very very rarely and only to defend myself against something you said.

01 April 2013

You're on your own

I’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong

Ignore everybody else,

We’re alone now

I’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong

Ignore everybody else,

We’re alone now

Suddenly I’m hit

Is this darkness of the dawn

And your friends are gone

When you friends won’t come

So show me where you fit

So show me where you fit