31 January 2013

Just a thought

My mom just left me a voicemail. She lives in Racine Wisconsin. We moved there when I was 13, from Brooklyn. I hated Racine. It was as different from Brooklyn as night and day. Being shy, I had a severe stuttering problem, and had a difficult time making friends. I had a hard enough time trying to get a girlfriend.  I hated Racine. When I graduated from high school I left the city immediately to attend a college in Tennessee. I had a speech therapist from 1st grade through 12th. Because kids could be mean, when I was away from my therapists, I spoke only when I felt it was important to speak, and since my speech therapists were Jewish women from Brooklyn,   British women, Jamaican men,  my accent is a combination of all of them. They taught me how to speak.  People I speak to, are always convinced I'm from a Carribean island ( rumor has it my birth mother is Jamaican). People have always questioned why I don't sound like my mother or sister. My mother and her husband is French Canadian, by way of Memphis Tennessee. You can hear the Memphis in her when she speaks, but you can hear the Quebecois in her when she's pissed. My sister sounds like she was born and raised in Memphis.  When I graduated from college, I  turned down a couple job offers in Knoxville Tennessee to move back to Wisconsin, living in Madison, then moved to Washington DC, and due to 9-11 the company folded and  I returned  to Wisconsin ( AGAIN), living in Milwaukee and eventually I got a job in Portland Oregon. I finally have a job I truly love. I hated Racine. I hate sub zero climates.

But I digress. My mom left me a voicemail a few minutes ago, telling me that tonight it will be minus 20 degrees, and it'll be as much as 1 degree in the morning.

I hated Racine, but after 5 years in Portland,  I would rather be there than any place else. Portlanders are a different type of people- different from the Midwesterners, New Yorkers, Californians, and Southeners to which I'm accustomed. Not all, but most Portlanders, and I'm not talking about that stupid show Portlandia- well some of that show is accurate. I've grown tired of being confronted with petty bullshit, having to tip-toe around the obvious and being discouraged from saying something outright, and lukewarm friends. The stench of bullshit here is overwhelming. I have to hold my breath until I get home everyday.  But I love my job. I feel blessed, so I'll just have to deal with it, unless a company in a warmer climate scoops me up.  

Thank God for poetry though. It's a great outlet for me. 

Just a thought

I didn't mean to rant, but there it is.