31 December 2012

-A note to God

يا الله انا بالوحدة الشديدة. تعلمون ما أحتاج إليه.

The Hills

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

--Psalm 121:1-2

28 December 2012

RIP- Celebrities we lost in 2012

Whitney Houston

Donna Summer

Don Cornelius

Sherman Hemsley

Etta James

Michael Clarke Duncan

Yvette Wilson

Chuck Brown

Fontella Bass
People may not know her name, but almost all know  Fontella Bass' most famous song, "Rescue Me," a track Bass wrote and recorded in 1965 and that would go on to become one of the most famous, beloved tracks of the era.

26 December 2012

Note to self

for 2013
For me it's self doubt, my obsessive need to put the needs of everyone before my own, my wanting to be appreciated, and after reading someone's  Facebook page about themselves on Christmas, I realized that I don't  think I love myself enough.
I need to remove what is weighing me down. But how? I need to pray on this.

24 December 2012


Another Lonely Christmas-    ( listen to it before he removes it from Youtube)


Overheard at a sushi restaurant this afternoon:

"I heard you’re going over to Janet’s house for Christmas dinner. When you leave the house be sure you shake your coat real good before you get home. Them roaches she got be big. They have like facial expressions and stuff. They be looking at you like you entered the wrong apartment. “

23 December 2012

Do have you a favorite Christmas memory?

My favorite Christmas memory- when I was 12, my grandfather told me he was too ill to cook and that I had to make dinner that Christmas. So he sat on the stool I always sat on as a child, and he observed as I made the Turkey and dressing, boiled the potatoes for the potato salad, made the spaghetti, cleaned and cooked the chittlin's, made the candied yams, fried the chicken, made the sweet potato pies, baked macaroni & cheese, baked a coconut pineapple cake (my first), made cornbread, made collard greens ( along the way he told me what to do and what not to do), fried some okra etc,. and when company arrived and my mom and sister set the table, he suddenly wasn't ill anymore, and everyone enjoyed everything. I doubted my ability but he was my biggest cheerleader. He told me I had sat on that same stool watching him cook since I was 3. He passed away about 15 yrs ago, but I still feel a closeness to him whenever I'm cooking or baking. He was always cooking for big groups of people. After he retired he even cooked for a homeless shelter as if it was a fulltime job, but he did it for free.

Do have you a favorite Christmas memory?

Merry Christmas, by the way!

22 December 2012

-Donny Hathway

The Sounds of Blackness-remember them?

Just a thought

One of the biggest flaws of people are pretending to be blind to their own mistakes but do not pretend to be deaf towards the mistakes of others.
--author unknown


All I want for Christmas is ...

  1. A Kitchen Aid 5 Quart Artisan Mixer in purple or red, with all the attachments.
  2. For my mom to tell me everything she knows about my adoption.

That's it. 

One costs about $400, and the other is free.  If  I had to pick one I'd take the latter. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, without her getting defensive every time I bring it up.


Note to self -- Resolution 2013

As we know this life is short and it gets shorter as the days go by....so don't waste it on people who don't care about your heart, your pain, your dreams or your love...At this point in the game have good people in your life and more important be good to others...

Happy Holidays!

20 December 2012

Quote of the day

A single leaf working alone provides no shade.
--Chuck Page

19 December 2012

Time To Profile White Men?

MSNBC article by

Yesterday, during a cable news discussion of gun violence and the Newtown school shooting, I dared
mention a taboo truism. During a conversation on MSNBC’s “Up With Chris Hayes,” I said that because most of the mass shootings in America come at the hands of
white men,  there would likely be political opposition to initiatives that propose to use those facts to profile the demographic group to which these killers belong. I suggested that’s the case because as opposed to people of color or, say, Muslims, white men as a subgroup are in such a privileged position in our society that they are the one group that our political system avoids demographically profiling or analytically aggregating in any real way. Indeed, unlike other demographic, white guys as a group are never thought to be an acceptable topic for any kind of critical discussion whatsoever, even when there is ample reason to open up such a discussion.
My comment was in response to U.S. Rep. James Langevin (D) floating the idea of employing the Secret Service for such profiling, and I theorized that because the profiling would inherently target white guys, the political response to such an idea might be similar to the Republican response  to the 2009 Homeland Security report looking, in part, at the threat of right-wing terrorism. As you might recall, the same GOP that openly supports  profiling — and  demonizing-- Muslims essentially claimed that the DHS report was unacceptable because its focus on white male terrosirt groups  allegedly stereotyped (read: offensively profiled) conservatives. For making this point, I quickly became the day’s villain in the right-wing media. From the  Daily Caller, to Fox News, to Breitbart, to Glenn Beck’s the Blaze, to all the right-wing blogs and Twitter feeds that echo those outlets’ agitprop, I was attacked for "injective divisive racial politics"   into the post-Newtown discussion (this is a particularly ironic attack coming from Breitbart – the same website that manufactured the Shirley Sherrod fiasco.                                                                  
The conservative response to my statement, though, is the real news here.
Let’s review: Any honest observer should be able to admit that if the gunmen in these mass shootings mostly had, say, Muslim names or were mostly, say, African-American men, the country right now wouldn’t be confused about the causes of the violence, and wouldn’t be asking broad questions. There would probably be few queries or calls for reflection, and mostly definitive declarations blaming the bloodshed squarely on Islamic fundamentalism or black nationalism, respectively. Additionally, we would almost certainly hear demands that the government intensify the extant profiling systems already aimed at those groups.
Yet, because the the perpetrators in question in these shootings are white men and not ethnic or religious minorities, nobody is talking about demographic profiling them as a group. The discussion, instead, revolves around everything from gun control, to mental health services, to violence in entertainment — everything, that is, except trying to understanding why the composite of these killers is so similar across so many different massacres. This, even though there are plenty of reasons  for that topic to be at least a part of the conversation.
Recounting the truth of these double standards is, of course, boringly mundane, which means my comment on television summarizing them is an equally boring and mundane statement of the obvious. However, as evidenced by the aggressive attempt to turn those comments into controversial headline-grabbing news over the weekend, the conservative movement has exposed its desperation — specifically, its desperation to preserve its White Victimization Mythology.
In this mythology, the white man as a single demographic subgroup can never be seen as a perpetrator and must always be portrayed as the unfairly persecuted scapegoat. In this mythology, to even reference an undeniable truth about how white privilege operates on a political level (in this case, to prevent a government profiling system of potential security threats even though such a system exists for other groups) is to be guilty of both “injecting divisive racial politics” and somehow painting one’s "opponents as racist"— even when nobody called any individual a racist.
In this mythology, in short, to mention truths about societal double standards — truths that are inconvenient or embarrassing to white people — is to be targeted for attack by the right-wing media machine.
Of course, just as I didn’t make such an argument yesterday on MSNBC, I’m not right now arguing for a system of demographically profiling white guys as a means of stopping mass murderers (that’s right, the headline at Beck’s website, the Blaze, is categorically lying by insisting I did make such an argument, when the MSNBC video proves that’s not even close to true). After all, broad demographic profiling is not only grotesquely bigoted in how it unduly stereotypes whole groups, it also   doesn't actually work as a security measure and runs the risk of becoming yet another Big Brother-ish monster (this is especially true when a lawmaker is forwarding the idea of deploying a quasi-military apparatus like the Secret Service).
Additionally, I’m not saying we should avoid the complex discussion about myriad issues (gun control, mental health, violence in Hollywood products, etc.) that we are having in the aftermath of the Connecticut tragedy. On the contrary, I believe it is good news that those nuanced conversations — rather than simplistic calls for punitive measures against a demographic group — are able to happen, and it’s particularly good news that they are persisting in the face of pro-gun extremists’ best effort o polarize the conversation.
But the point here is that those tempered and nuanced conversations are only able to happen because the demographic at the center of it all is white guys. That is the one group in America that gets to avoid being referred to in aggregate negative terms (and gets to avoid being unduly profiled by this nation’s security apparatus), which means we are defaulting to a much more dispassionate and sane conversation — one that treats the perpetrators as deranged individuals, rather than typical and thus stereotype-justifying representatives of an entire demographic.
While such fair treatment should be the norm for all citizens, the double standard at work makes clear it is still a special privilege for a select white few. That’s the issue at the heart of my comment on MSNBC — and it is a pressing problem no matter how much the conservative media machine wants to pretend it isn’t.

Your thoughts?

Pic of the day

President Obama gets caught in Spider-Man's web.

Person of the year

18 December 2012

Living it

 A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.

William G.T. Shedd

Safety is nice, but when you are completely safe, you really can’t do much. To do things, you have to leave at least some of your safety behind and take risks. While prudence has a prominent role in balancing safety and risk, what you have in the absence of risk is hardly much of a life. Risk is what ships are built for. They balance the risks of the seas and waves by designing how high the sides of the ships are.
To some, racing is a thrill they cannot give up. Dirt track, motorcycles, dragsters, trucks or bicycles. The balance of safety and risk says they should use proper safety gear, and only do their racing on a closed course away from bystanders.
In the end, only you can decide if the risk is worth it, but if all you ever do is hide in your fortress, you probably aren’t going to enjoy life as much as you would if you were out there living it.

Tuesday Flashback

15 December 2012

Hatred slips through the metal detector

I'm struggling to understand the shooting here in Oregon and in Connecticut, both having occurred within the  span of a week, and I'm also wondering how to deal with them,  as I'm sure you are as well. For once, I am grateful I don't have any school-age children, because I wouldn't know what to say to assure them  that they're in a safe environment when I can't even assure myself of my own safety.  I thought of my brother, his wife and my 8 year-old Goddaughter, and my friend Luke and his 4 yr-old daughter  and friends at work with their school-age children, and my eyes have been watery all day.  That's what makes it really hard. It's the children. The grief and the anger is overwhelming. I'll admit that I have cried a couple times today when no one was around.

Two unimaginable tragedies. Here is a fact: Video cameras, Buzzers on doors, People sitting at desks in the hallways of schools, even metal detectors are not security against an armed attacker. The people maintaining these items could very well be the first victims of the assault. These measures and methods taken by schools are to give an illusion of safety to caring parents and teachers. It is an assurance that schools are seemingly doing something to protect children. None of these measures however, protect children from an armed intruder bent on killing as many people as possible in the shortest amount of time. In terms of schools, we must understand the people we refer to are children.
 How do you make sense of the senseless? In my lifetime these tragic attacks have occurred at the college, high school, middle school and now at the elementary school level. Most recently, they also occurred at a movie theater  shopping mall and a political open air, town hall gathering complete with a congresswoman.
The Terrorists of 911 have changed how we all travel today. Measures are taken to prevent weapons being taken aboard planes. Yes we are inconvenienced and many of us complain every time we go through those long lines. We comply, because it is reasonable, and it insures our right and freedom to travel. One imbecilic terrorist made an unsuccessful attempt to use a shoe bomb and today, and every day, any American boarding a plane takes off his/her shoes. We all complain about that, but it is a reasonable sacrifice for safety. The cost of us learning this lesson of reasonableness about safety and security in the air came at a huge price to our country. It took well over 3,000 lives in NYC, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C.

What is the total number of dead children that we need to get to before we can begin discussions to change what we are doing now? Obviously, what we are doing is not working. We need to have a discussion based on facts and not rhetoric. Too many of the facts about guns and their control have been distorted by too many people and a few organizations, well healed with the ability to put out misinformation and propaganda. We need critical thinking skills to sort through all of the BS. We need honesty, clarity and focus. We cannot start from a position stating that “nothing can be done”.  If we ask, how do we prevent another incident where 20 children, ages 5-10, and 8 adults being killed in an elementary school in a matter of minutes. How can an educated civilized culture accept that “nothing can be done” as an answer? If the solution doesn’t begin NOW with US, when will it begin? Is there an actual number of dead children that is a tipping point? More importantly, are my kids going to be in that number? Are yours? I believe in the constitution, and I believe in the Second amendment. I believe that citizens have the right too own guns. I also believe that right comes with a very big responsibility. Not everyone is responsible. Not everyone is mentally stable enough to be held responsible. I believe that we can regulate guns with commonsense laws in consideration of the facts, and not the rhetoric. I believe that reasonable people can look at real facts and come to reasonable conclusions that can lead to reasonable controls. The process however must begin with discussion. That almost never happens after these horrific events. There will be blog posts like this, editorials, documentaries, and maybe a “60 Minutes” segment, but probably no real substantive, focused meaningful discussion to protect kids will ever take place in the political arena. Politicians need to put the right to life for our kids first. The discussions will move to protect the rights of people who may not capable of responsibility to hold in their hands the lives of our children. If not now, when? If not us, who?

14 December 2012

Survival of the fittest

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're the lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you'd better be running. 

- Christopher McDougall

13 December 2012

12 December 2012

What if?

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones. ~Don Herold

10 December 2012

Overheard on the train

Female 1 -"Technically it's not lying."

Female 2-"So does that mean you'll never have him meet me or the rest of the family? 'Cause I'm not lying for you.

Female 1-"Girl, you gotta keep this secret."

Female 2-"But you answered his ad. He said he wanted kids, and you ain't got no uterus. And you know why you ain't got no uterus, Felicia, formerly known as Reginald. You gotta tell him the truth.

Female 1 - "But can't I pretend to have a few miscarriages during the relationship, then convince him that we should try adoption?

( then they both got off the train)

Pic of the week

09 December 2012

Oh. My. God.

I was watching a movie on TV1, and saw a shortened version of this commercial and I hyperventilated. You know how I do when I see Halle Berry in something new

07 December 2012

Question of the Week

Are you the type of person that is in the moment or are you the type that takes pictures of it to prove you were there?

05 December 2012

The Universal law

Life humbles you when you disrespect it.

The greatest among you will be your servant.  For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted (Matthew 23:11-12).
What I love about life is this one universal law: You will reap what you sow.  You can count on it every single time.  You cannot walk around practicing evil – being deceptive, manipulative and treating people poorly – and think that everything is going to be alright with you.  It is not so. 

Just a thought. 

03 December 2012

A small price

                                   There's a price to pay for what we want the most.

30 November 2012

An Epiphany

Per Wikipedia, an epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, "manifestation, striking appearance") is an experience of sudden and striking realization. Generally the term is used to describe breakthrough scientific, religious or philosophical discoveries, but it can apply in any situation in which an enlightening realization allows a problem or situation to be understood from a new and deeper perspective. Epiphanies are studied by psychologists[1][2] and other scholars, particularly those attempting to study the process of innovation.

Sir Isaac Newton's realization that a falling apple and the orbiting moon are both pulled by the same force
was an epiphany.

i had an epiphany recently. i have been known to look for appreciation from people who have always overlooked the bars (that have been set) that i have gone over. recently a coworker crawled under the bar (that has been set) and she was applauded and congratulated  by the same people, as if she had cured cancer.

from now on i'm  going to focus on myself and on the people who have always had my back.

28 November 2012

This looks about right

First of all, I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE, but this is what happens when you come between  Halle Berry and someone who loves her and Nahla.

# Jus sayin'

Gabriel Aubrey


It takes courage to love, if you do not have the strength to walk through fear, then love is not for you. – Leon Brown

27 November 2012

On that day

I will wake up in the morning stir up a couple cups of coffee play this song smile and when she's done showering we'll slow dance before we start our day... in the meantime I'll  just smile and keep it moving-

26 November 2012

If, then (at your funeral)

Oscar Wilde's grave, Pere LaChaise Cemetery, Paris France
At your funeral, if you want people to say you were a good man/woman,
           then be a good person.
If you want people to speak of  how you helped them when they really needed your help,
           then be helpful.
If you want the funeral pews to be filled with people who loved you and had plenty of good testimonies of your kindness and your sense of humor,
           then act accordingly.
If you want your kids to recall many wonderful experiences and not be hard-pressed to find one good thing to say about you,
           then be a good dad.

But if  you want the funeral pews to be empty with the exception of  the pastor and your spouse who might be the only one tolerant of your behavior and made excuses for you , then  be the opposite.

25 November 2012

New Position

U got 2 try a new position, yeah
Somethin' that'll make it all right

Oh, a new position, yeah, yeah

Let's go fishin' in the river, the river of life

I am the clay

But now, O LORD, you are our father; we are the clay, and you our potter; and we all are the work of Your hand. --Isaiah 64:8 


24 November 2012

The am that I am

                         You can't know your real mind as long as you deceive yourself.

"Know Thyself’ was written on the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. Legend tells that the seven sages of ancient Greece, philosophers, statesmen and law-givers who laid the foundation for western culture, gathered in Delphi to inscribed ‘know thyself’ at the entry to its scared oracle. The adage subsequently became a touch-stone for western philosophers, and extended its reach as the influence of Greek philosophy expanded.
The Greek Philosopher Thales of Miletu (regarded by Aristotle as the first philosopher in the Greek tradition) said that of the most difficult things is to know thyself.

Do you think you know yourself?

“Can one know oneself” wondered the French poetess George Sand. “Is one ever somebody?” “When will I ever see that Am that I Am?” lamented the poet Rumi. Scores of poets and philosophers dedicated their lives to inquiring about the Self, seeking its elusive mysteries, digging deep to unearth that hidden stone without which all construction would be in vain. Some attained remarkable results, attested to by the legacy of their works. Others never found an end to their quest. “I have an inner self of which I was ignorant,” confesses the Bohemian–Austrian poet Rilke in his diary. Despite the passage of millennia, man’s struggles have essentially remained the same: man is, and always has been, a being in search of truth and identity.

--courtesy, the internet

JT's Homage to Prince

I can't stand Justin Timberlake but I have to admit I like this song. I'm gonna call it his homage to Prince, since it sounds like Timberland had Prince music (circa 1999)  playing in the background when producing this song.

Note to self


Saturday Flashback


Friends are periodically connecting with me to talk about my trip to Paris, so I'll apologize in advance, for posting new insights from the experience for a time! Ok, my friend Luke was telling me today that it was pretty brave of me to go to Paris by myself. He sounded as if I had volunteered to join the army. I don't think courage had anything to do with it. I've always wanted to go. Of course, knowing that Paris is a romantic city, I thought about waiting until I got married, but I might never get married. I wanted to do something special for my 50th birthday; something different than meeting friends for happy hour, getting a bite to eat, baking my own birthday cake, and going home. I wanted to do something special for me since 50 came first. If love ever comes again, and by some miracle, marriage follows, I'd be an excellent tour guide for the next time I go to Paris. I'd like to think of it as the first step in healing my soul. I'm planning another trip abroad for my next birthday. Perhaps The U.K. or Australia, or Vietnam. or even Tokyo.

23 November 2012

Songs in my head

A Fight!

Police: Halle Berry's fiancé and ex have Thanksgiving Day fight

Tensions erupted at the home of actress Halle Berry on Thanksgiving Day.  
People reports the Los Angeles Police Department has confirmed to their publication that a physical confrontation took place between Berry's fiancé, Olivier Martinez, above left, and her ex-boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, right.
Aubry was said to be at the home to drop off the couple's 4-year-old daughter, Nahla.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Aubry was arrested after the incident and taken to the hospital, where the model was treated for injuries to his face. The paper reported that Aubrey was released on $20,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court on December 13.
Berry and Aubry have reportedly battled over the actress seeking to relocate their daughter to France, a request that E! online said was denied by a judge in November. In January, the child's nanny sought a restraining order claiming that she feared Aubry.

--courtesy Cnn.com

Hell, I'd fight over her too.  And like Olivier Martinez, I'd win.

Dear Karma

Friday Flashback

22 November 2012

I already started loving you

Overheard in Dublin Ireland


"It's not someone else's job to make sure you (or I) are happy. You have to make you happy."

Another thing I'm grateful for


                           Never having to say President Romney.

More of this

Every time you appreciate something; every time you praise something; every time you feel good about something, you are telling the Universe: MORE OF THIS, PLEASE!" 

21 November 2012


But I think I love Paris more now that I've been there. My best friend said that as a sensitive romantic, I will never be the same. I think he's right. I'm not the same.

Believe them

           Sometimes alot of your friends turn into people you don't even know,or want to know, or like, but maybe that's who they really were and you chose to see what you wanted to see because you both shared one thing or person in common. And then when that thing or person is gone, you get to see them as they really are. And some friends become even better friends than you imagined. It takes time, and situations, to filter out fakes/fairweathers/acquaintances/enemies. In the end, you'll end up with a smaller number of people. Those are called friends.

Bob Marley

One of the things I learned about Paris

The strangest thing. I took the train and bus every single day I was in Paris, and every single day a caucasian person sat next to me. They weren't scared of me. It was the strangest thing. In most cases there were other places where they could have chosen to sit, and it wasn't even tentative. They didn't look like they needed to reconsider a safer, more comfortable place to sit. Here in The States, I have lived on the east coast, the west coast, down south, and the midwest, and I can't remember the last time a caucasian sat down next to me on the bus or the train. It was the strangest thing. I loved it.

18 November 2012

One of the things I learned about Paris

 Parisians really are not nice (outside of the tourist areas), it's no stereotype. It's real.

The previous black woman caught me staring at her, and I couldn't look away. I was hypnotized, and she looked annoyed. Then she looked away in the opposite direction.  Three stops later she got up and walked over to me and said something in french, and when I tell her Je nes comprend pas Francais (I don't speak french), tu parle anglais ( do you speak english?) ? She asked me, in a british accent, why I was staring at her. I apologized and told her she was so gorgeous I couldn't look away even when I tried. 
Guess what she does?
She opens her wallet and gives me a picture of her and says, 'take a picture, it'll last longer.' Then she gets off at the next stop. 

I'll let you decide the word that fits her.