29 June 2010

my next blog entry

will be my 1,000th!      And I didn't think I had anything to say or comment about, past the 4 or 5th one!

So, I'm asking you all, what should the thousandth one be about?

Listening to.... Tweet

i was looking for someone to call mine,
but instead i found you...
someone is bound to come along who will do time
and be better than you...

Office Politics, circa 1995

Back in the 90s I knew how to get people converging in a coworker’s cubicle behind me to stop talking about ‘last night’s episodes of Friends, Seinfeld, and Cheers’ every single Friday morning, to get back to work when the 2 or 3 people who grow to about 6, simply by asking a question that I already knew the answer:

“Hey did anyone see Martin, or Living Single, or New York Undercover last night?”

Suddenly there was silence, and then blank faces in my direction, then to each other, then  the huddle would disperse.
I knew they didn’t watch those shows, but I liked the look of discomfort on their faces. I was told by one of my ‘well-meaning’ coworkers during another conversation at the time, that she couldn’t relate to them.


I don't like the N word, and everyone I knew back in Wisconsin knew I didn't like that word. So, I was surprised when a really close caucasian friend of mine uttered it. The defense he used was that he was drunk, so drunk he couldn't remember my name.  I was helping him get in a cab that the bar tender called for him. He was so drunk he could hardly stand. When I gave the cab driver his address, my friend said:
"Nnnnnigger, you're good friend. You a gggggoood fffffriend,mmmm nnnnigger. Ooops i shhhhouldn't have said that. BBBBBye !" Then the cab driver took off. 

I informed him the day after, what he had said. He seemed to be at first, in disbelief, then  sincerely remorseful and he profusely apologized. I forgave him but I hadn't forgotten. Since I know what he really thought  but wouldn't dare say to my face when he was sober. 

That was fifteen years ago, And no, we're not friends any more.

a quote on inner beauty

                   - Savannah (Whitney Houston , from Waiting To Exhale)

28 June 2010

just a thought


Note to self-self-fulfilling prophecy

You can do whatever your mind tells you that you can do. If you think you will fail miserably, you will fail miserably. If you think you will succeed , you will succeed.


If only..

I want to throw 2 darts on a map and start my life new there.

I want it to land on  Montego Bay, Jamaica where I would write all day while helping my wife and kids run a bed & breakfast that we'll own,

And Paris, where'd we go when we were bored.

If you could throw darts on a map and live there, where would you want them to land?


                            Before you can find it, you first have to decide what it is you're looking for.

listening to A Love Supreme

                                You are defined by the way in which you treat the people you love.
                                                    And the people you hate.

26 June 2010


Some days

I think I exist just to prove people wrong.

I mind.

                                           I know you're still out there. And I'm still waiting.


                                        don't make me pay for all of your ex's mistakes.

My mom raised me right.

25 June 2010



You can't be stopped...

I know that it's not been easy

Trying to make it in this crazy world
People 'round you try to stop you
Stomp you saying that you don't belong

You must remember that
We were born with blood of kings and queens
And can't be stopped
Stay stronger my sister you can't be stopped
No, you can't be stopped

I know that sometimes
You get to feelin' I've given up on you
The pressure seems to, to defeat you
Beat you when you feel you can't go on

You must remember that
You were born with blood of kings and queens
And can't be stopped
Stay stronger my brother you can't be stopped
No, you can't be stopped

Strong enough,
Don't let nobody tell you you aint strong enough
Strong enough,

Don't let nobody tell you you aint strong enough


              THANK GOD  !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flash Back Friday- commemorating Michael Jackson, on the 1st anniversary of his death

My favorite Michael Jackson songs

and last, but not least...

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.

Flash Back Friday- Ralph Tresvant & Vesta

24 June 2010

Note to self, regarding faith

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
--Matthew 17:20 (King James Version)

quote on non-comformity

                          The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice…it is conformity.
                                                      -- Rollo May
Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.
 ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

23 June 2010

Conflict of interest- much?

 Click here

(my speechless moment of the day)

Listening to - Zion

"...Now let me pray to keep you from

The perils that will surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun
And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I'm reminded every time I see your face..."
                                                The silence of a stupid man looks like wisdom

my mom used to say...

                                A liar better have a good memory

22 June 2010

Preface to The Love Experience, Pt.1

In the beginning, God...

This familiar phrase is part of the very first verse of the Bible, and taking this line literally seems to indicate a starting point in history.  The Bible begins with God, who was already in existence and acting prior to the creation of both time and space. Throughout the Bible, we are told that God is eternal (not created) and transcendent to the physical universe.
Proverbs 3:6 says, In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths. Being that I acknowledge God's existence in my life, and that, according to Psalm 139:13 "for He created my innermost being by knitting me together  in my mother's womb",  I want and need for God to be at the forefront, or the beginning of everything I compose.

In the preface to my poetry collection The Love Experience, Pt.1 (of which I'm trying to get published), these are the first 4 words you will see:  In the beginning, God...

Hopefully the words I wrote will be pleasing unto Him-

I'm trying to get it published and I've been getting rejections, but I'm ok with that.  Tyler Perry once said  "I can get a million no's from people, but all I need is one yes from God."   

That statement pretty much sums it up for me.

Blast from the past- Lauryn Hill

"...Wisdom is better than silver and gold

I was hopeless now I'm all hopeful
Every man want to act like he's exempt
When him need to get down on his knees and repent
Can't slick talk on the day of judgment
Your movement's similar to a serpent
Tried to play straight, how your whole style bent?
Consequence is no coincidence
Hypocrites always want to play innocent
Always want to take it to the full out extent
Always want to make it seem like good intent
Never want to face it when it's time for punishment
I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some but you just lost one..."

21 June 2010

Just a thought

you can  spend a lifetime trying to give everyone everything they want and need, and succeed at it,  and you can still end up alone and with your needs unmet.

Time for some Andwele- New Dwele cd in stores 6/29

                             You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.


Song in my head this afternoon

                              Sometimes the way out is through.

Moving on

              Forgiving being burned doesn't mean you need to forget how you got burned.

it will all make perfect sense...someday

always greener

I have a friend who complains that after a long day of work the last thing he wants to do is to be given his newborn daughter to look after while his wife puts dinner on the table. I hate him.

I pray for those days.

Note to self

I've tried so hard to be the person everyone wanted me to be. Maybe I should've just been the person I wanted  to be. I'll do that from now on.

And when you pull me out of the darkness, you'll know I've been here all along. You just didn't look hard enough.

20 June 2010

Happy Father's day, also

Click here

A childhood memory

"Don't talk about my daddy, he's goin' through."

                    Said to me and my mom one day in 1975 when we were talking about how glad we both were that she was legally separated from my father and we were finally able to kick him out of the house. My sister never suffered (or saw any abuse) and so in her eyes, he was ( and still is, even after his death) the Second Coming. That was the best day of my childhood and worse day for my sister.

  Even today he is someone she and I never discuss. 

Happy Father's Day Everyone

Happy Father's Day

  (I wish I wrote this)

"There was 1 September day that Papa worked 2 hard

First he crucified every dandelion out in the yard
Then he screamed at baby twice 4 throwin' rocks at passin' cars
Baby didn't listen, so like a priceless work of art
He got snatched by his Papa who then opened up the closet door
And pushed the four-year-old down, onto the closet floor
Baby cried "I'm sorry, I won't do it no more"
Papa said "Yeah, I know, that's what this here's 4"
Ooh Papa...
Smack! Smack!
Ooh Papa...Papa...
Ooh Papa...
Smack! Smack!
Ooh Papa...Papa...

As the door closes, baby starts 2 cry
"Please don't lock me up again, without a reason why"
Papa just went outside and pointed a shotgun up in the sky
He said "How come I don't love my woman?"
Then he took aim and died
Boom! Boom!
Boom! Boom!

Don't abuse children, or else they turn out like me

Fair 2 partly crazy, deep down we're all the same
Every single 1 of us knows some kind of pain
In the middle of all that's crazy, this 1 fact still remains
If u love somebody, your life won't be in vain
And there's always a rainbow, at the end of every rain."

Papa, by Prince

18 June 2010

You can twitter me  here

a quote on patience

If you add a little to a little, and then do it again, soon that little shall be much.


The Apology Heard Around The World

 Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas said what?

if only

• We could read minds

• Money did grow on trees

• I could get my bi-weekly paycheck weekly instead

• The women I want found me irresistible

• I made better choices in my past

• I had eyes in the back of my head

• People would stop lying

• Everyone who lived in ivory towers could live like the average person for a month

• People would reap what they had sown more expediently

• Certain people would deal with the fact  that a black man is the President Of This United States

watch your thoughts

 فکرهایتان ،خودآنهاراواژه هاتماشاکنید
واژه هایتان ،خودآنهاراعملهاتماشاکنید
عملهایتان ،خودآنهاراعادتهاتماشاکنید
عادتهایتان ،خودآنهاراشخصیت تماشاکنید
شخصیتتان ،خودبرای آن تقدیرتان تماشاکنید

(english translation)

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
--Frank Outlaw

Another Flash Back Friday-The Time & Rick James

Flash Back Friday- Surface & Jodeci

17 June 2010

Note to self

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

-- Psalms 91
"A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you."  This verse, I recite over and over, every morning on my way to work. I love the entire chapter, but the 7th verse gives me peace of mind.
He didn't say 1, or 2, or 3, or 4, or 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, or 900; He said a thousand may fall at my side. He didn't say 2,000, or 3,000 or 4,000 or 5,000 or 6,000 or 7,000, or 8,000 or 9,000. He said ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me.   
The odds can be that overwhelming AGAINST me, but God's faithfulness will still be my shield!
(Keeping this in mind, why do I ever worry?)

Enjoy :)

16 June 2010


this evening at a sushi restaurant (mid conversation)

Younger woman: are you still with Scott?

Older woman: I told you, it’s not a fling. It’s the real thing.
Younger woman: Mom, he’s going to hurt you the same way he’s hurt me.
Older woman: Girl, get over it. That was years ago. He got over it. Why can't you?
Younger woman : Hmm I wonder why I haven't gotten over the fact that he f****d Alicia, my best friend and got her pregnant.
Older woman: Have you seen him and his son? He's such a good man. He's a good father to that boy. Not like your dad.
Younger woman: Oh yeah, so good a man that she had to have a paternity test to prove the baby was his? He didn't want to have anything to do with that boy.
Older woman: He was 19 then. And immature. He's learned from his mistakes. Can't you give him some slack? Damn!
Younger woman: Mom, he’s your son in-law.
Older woman: Ex-son in law. Besides, he’s been out of your life for what? 5 yrs? You’ve remarried and you and Owen have a family of your own. Why are you concerned with who Scott dates?
Younger woman: Because he's dating you.
Older woman: I think you protest too much. Is it the age thing? Are you ashamed? Young men with cougars is in these days. Look at Ashton and Demi.
Younger woman: Ma, you’re old enough to be Demi Moore’s mother, and Scott is only 26.
Older woman: Scott doesn’t have a problem with it. You’re just jealous of our love.
The younger woman looks at her mother as if trying to shoot lasers at her before her mother changes the subject
“The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.”

                                                      --Eudora Welty

song in my head this evening


I’m going to do something
I keep saying that I need to do
and haven’t .
It’s going to be radical for me, and
it’s going to take a lot of practice; I don’t expect to master it overnight but like conquering all other habits, I’ll need take it one day at a time and I can’t/won’t give up until I’ve achieved success.

I’m going to practice patience.

You see,
God knows my problems before they even become problems.
I’ve always known this-
And my getting upset is basically a waste of time. He is already looking into the issue for me.
I’m going to practice patience.
Why get upset,
Why allow things or people to make me so angry I wanna hit something or them when that reaction does nothing to resolve the issue at hand?
It makes me feel better for a minute, but I might have made matters worse.
Someone once told me that anger is just one letter away from danger.
So, I’m going to practice patience until I get it right.

--I’ll start tomorrow

Gettin Ready

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face.

After thanking God for waking me up,
I also thanked Him for bringing me one day closer to:
Publishing success
My trip to Milwaukee
Visiting my best friend when he moves to Berkeley
Weight loss sufficient enough to get my dr off my back
Making new friends to hang out with
A house of my own
Finding my biological family
and Love.

 and love.

are you one day closer to anything?

15 June 2010

note to self

God never said life would be easy; He does say though, that nothing would happen today or tomorrow or the day after or the day after that He and I cannot handle together. I must remember this.

Do you know who you are?

"When I discover who I am, I'll be free."
                --Ralph Ellison

Do you know who you are?

There are some people that are living a lie and know it,
there are also, some people that are living a lie but don't know it;
they're living other people's lies.
Do you know who you are?

when I discover who I am, I will be free.

song in my head

12 June 2010

If I ruled the world

"If you ruled the world, what would you do?"

 This question come to me in a dream. Actually, in the dream, I was a judge in the Miss Universe Pageant, and the current Miss USA, Rima Fakih, had won Miss Earth, and she was representing the planet. That was the question I had for her. I know,  crazy, but dreams are always like that.  She said, 'there are so many rules I would impose to make the crooked world straight.'

That's all I remember of the dream, but the idea of making the crooked world straight stuck with me. So, I've come up with a few rules I would make, "to make the crooked world straight";

  • Hatred, discrimination,  racism, being a bad or deadbeat parent and even being mean to someone would be felonies.
  • New York State would have open records adoption laws (since they're sealed, I'm paying private investigators big bucks to locate my biological mother and siblings)
  • We would treat the homeless, the poor and our veterans much better than we do now.
  • We would treat the elderly like Gold; we would treat people the way we'd like to be treated if the shoe was on the other foot.
  • We would somehow, be completely weened off our dependency on oil.
  • I could walk the streets without being suspected of being a criminal.
  • There is justice in the justice system.
  • The majority of the television- viewing audience were people of color (the color of shows would drastically change to represent those watching it- I wouldn't complain about why there were no black Bachelors or Bachelorettes, or predominately black tv dramas, or major characters of color, etc.,anymore)
  • There would be more successful black movie producers
  • We would get a refund of our annual insurance premiums if we didn't incur any expenses during the year; the same thing with out car insurance if we had no accidents.
  • I wouldn't be invisible amongst people at work who see me everyday ( someone recently told me, "oh, you must be new here at the company." My response was ; "I've been going to this same meeting once a month, for the 3 years I've been here and you have been introduced to me twice before this time.").
  • The invisible knapsack wouldn't exist.
  • Parents would be required to pass tough parenting courses and be certified before they could even have children.
There's a lot more, but those are most pressing for me at the moment.

If you ruled the world, what rules would you impose?

my favorite song right now

10 June 2010


                          What have you done for you lately?

     Do you spend so much time doing for other people and trying to make and keep them happy that you forget about your own needs?  I'm guilty of that. I do and I do for others while my needs aren't met, either because I don't like saying no, or I've run out of time or because I'm just too tired. 
 I don't think there's anything wrong with being selfish every now and then. To be selfish means that you are looking out for your own interest or your own life. Others are selfish- why can't you be?

Song in my head this afternoon

The Slip Up

Sometimes I wonder if the secrets family members keep are to protect themselves more than the person that the secret is about. The more people know about the secret the more difficult (and stressful) it is to keep it within the inner circle, to keep the person ( of which the secret is about) from knowing. And when (not if, but when, because someone will eventually slip up) the person finds out, instead of them being upset with the initial secret-holder, they will also be upset with all the others that knew the secret but didn’t come forward. The longer a secret is kept the bigger it gets, growing like a weed. You keep cutting it and cutting it and it keeps coming back. You can't ignore it. And if it gets further away and you change your mind about keeping the secret anymore, but you do anyway, it gets even more upsetting when it gets revealed.

Nephew- when did you last see your mother?
Me-boy, what are you talking about? I saw your grandmother last week.
Nephew-no, your real mother.

Listening to...Guess who I saw today?

The highest knowledge is to know that we are surrounded by mystery. Neither knowledge nor hope for the future can be the pivot of our life or determine its direction. It is intended to be solely determined by our allowing ourselves to be gripped by the ethical God, who reveals Himself in us, and by our yielding our will to His.

Albert Schweitzer

The Ratio of Life to Living

Oh sure, some people give a little bit each day. But there are one or two special souls who, when you least expect it, give an entire life's worth all at once. 
-- alexgeorge
The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself—the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us—that's where it's at.
Jesse Owens (1913-1980)
Blackthink (1970)

09 June 2010

"Something In The Way Of Things (In Town)"

to laugh often and much;

"To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
...To give of one's self;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived —
This is to have succeeded."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

                                        "The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing."
                                                         ~Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

                                           True dat, and I am so tired of wrestling; I haven't danced in years.

                                           (I know; sad)

song in my head this afternoon


In your face the sun will rise and set,

The yin to my yang, the upside in a downward trend,
Yes, I'll know you when I find you,
Until then...
I'm searchin with no end, for my lover and friend,
And with you I will rest and truly find my piece,
Of heaven here on earth, and deep within my heart,
You are the missing part so I'll just keep on...
Searchin' searchin'

On hope

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.
                           --Emily Dickinson